Someday I hope they’ll say of me…”She was a breastfeeding WarriorGoddess, wielding a blood-stained Boppy as her shield. She nursed fearlessly, heroically, selflessly, gloriously — through nipples that felt like they were on fire, cracked, blistered, and bleeding; a right breast so swollen and red from repeated infections she dubbed the pair “Hedwig and the Angry Tit;” through stomach flu; backache — pain of all flavors, stripes, and shapes!”

Unfortunately I won’t be the kind of mother to repeatedly remind Sami that I went through hell to breastfeed him. It is tempting, but — I won’t do it. I’ll wear my martyrdom alone…sigh.

I’ve been sick since last Sunday, when I developed the 24 hour stomach flu thingie that’s been going around. Then, when my right nipple was *almost* healed, The Evil Infection Mastitis (pronounced “Mass Titties” by my sweet husband) came back on Tuesday — I was slammed with the worst fever and chills I can remember. Fever and chills twice in one week — ugh.

I want to retch at the thought of taking antibiotics a 3rd time. At least I got a prescription for a different kind this time. I went to a lovely GYN (referred by the midwives at the maternity center) who finished my questions for me.

Me: “I’m worried that–”
Lovely OB/GYN: “Not to worry– this antibiotic is completely safe to use by breastfeeding”
Me: Actually, I was going to ask about the repeated use of antiobiotics on my immune system–
Lovely OB/GYN: No effects.
Me: (Thinking, “oooooooooookay.”) What about thrush?
Lovely OB/GYN: Oh, we can prescribe you a cream that will clear it right up.

My gut is going to be a disaster by the time this is over. Right now I HATE allopathic medicine. It’s only good if you have gotten hit by a truck or have lost an eye or something of that nature. I found a holistic MD who’s also an acupuncturist and I hope he can help me rebuild my immune system after all these antibiotics.

Anyway, that’s why I haven’t written. I’ve been a mess. This too, shall pass, y’all.

My baby son is really sleeping like a baby and he looks beautiful. I love him scarily.