Hi there Mumma,

You would have been fifty-six years old today. If you were alive, I would have called you in the morning to sing happy birthday. Or better yet, you would live near us and we’d celebrate in person.

Oh, mumma, if you were alive… I know you would have been crazy about your grandson. I wish you could have known one another. I wish he could sit in his grandma’s lap and I would snap away with the pictures. Sami has your hazel eyes…I know his eye color might change, but I hope it will stay the same, a constant reminder of you.

If you were alive, I would have complained to you about all my breastfeeding issues, and you would have understood how very important it all is to me. You would have understood my despair at things not going as planned. We could have talked about Attachment Parenting and you would have dug it — you were the original crunchy AP mama.

Oh, mumma, if you were alive. Becoming a mama without a mama is hard. I have so many questions for you — what was my birth like? How did the breastfeeding go? What did you struggle with about being a mother? What did you love about being a mother? I know your struggles must have been so much greater than mine — you, a “crazy woman” trying to raise a baby all alone. How I respect what you tried so hard to do. How I thank you for giving birth to me. I hold you in my heart today, and always. I celebrate you today, and always.

Love,
Leah
p.s. Sami says “hi, grandma!”