I am currently taking a course on Positive Discipline for Preschoolers through the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP). So far it has been really illuminating and the basis of it is about being present for yourself and your child. The class introduces a lot of techniques like reflective listening, giving children choices, encouraging rather than praising, and overall treating ourselves and our kids with respect and kindness. It is a really thoughtful, reflective, and empowering way to parent and really emphasizes the dignity of both parent and child.

One concept I really like is “special time,” which is the idea of dedicating a set amount of time each day to being truly present with your child. When they are old enough to grasp the concept of time, you schedule it together. During special time you focus on your child with no interruptions — no checking email, no answering the phone, no multitasking of any kind. (The only thing you’re “allowed” to do is answer the door.)

Sami is a little young to grasp the concept of scheduling, but one way I have been spending special time with him is to go to the pool in the early evening after I pick him up from day care. He absolutely adores being in the water. He is so comfortable in it, it’s as if he was a fish in a former life. I call him a “little fishie” and he just laughs. In the pool, we are simply having fun and relaxing together. I hold him and we dance and play in the water. He loves to climb up the side and jump into my arms. He is fascinated by the water coming out of the vents. All of it is just remarkable for him, and I get to vicariously enjoy that sense of wonder. We also enjoy the ritual of taking a shower before and after the pool. He has grown to really love the shower and never wants to leave, until I coax him out with the promise of popcorn from the vending machine (I’m in big trouble if they ever run out!!). It’s also a good opportunity for him to practice getting dressed and undressed.

After our time at the pool, we feel clean and refreshed and just…content.

These special times also make me realize all the other moments that I am not present for him — when I am trying to get random things done, or noticing something that needs to be put away, or answering the phone, or checking email when the sound of new mail beeps out of my computer. Or just simply worrying about various things. Special time is like a “parenting meditation” for me. I’m present, and by definition, I’m present for Sami. I get to just be with my child, and there is nothing better in the whole world. At the risk of sounding terribly hokey, that quality of presence is a huge present for us both.

I think I will never again smell the scent of chlorine without thinking of the special times we spent together in Sami’s precious toddlerhood.