Comments on: On falling and failing

By: deborah

deborah — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 17:59:15 +0000

I think you’re a great mama! Tantrums are normal. A few weeks ago, I had to carry a kicking and screaming 3 yo home from daycare. I was heading towards being embarrassed and then reminded myself that this is normal and it will pass one day. These daily tantrums — lasting 1-2 hours — seemed like they lasted for years, but it was only weeks. I asked the pediatrician about it, and she said it could have been due to growth spurts. No matter the reason, it’s no fun to be the one caught with a screaming and crying child.

One thing that helps is that I explain a lot of things. Sometimes I can head off a tantrum by explaning. For example, “if you jump in that cold puddle with those sandals, you’ll get your feet wet. Then, your feet will be cold. See the holes on your shoes? The water will come right inside and get your feet wet and then your feet will be cold as ice.” That explanation persuaded O that jumping into a puddle on a cold, rainy day before we entered the library might not be such a good idea.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 15:46:46 +0000

Hang in there mama! You don’t have to be superwoman, you just have to be good enough mom most of the time. These litttle beings are so amazing, so resiliant and they will survive; just like we did, only we had much less thoughtful and mindful parents! Sami is a lucky little guy to have you for his mom and although it seems like things are rough right now, you’ll both soon be back in the groove and all will be right. Actually, all is right in your world. Just keep rocking it and hang on for the ride and see what SUG’s got on the horizon.

You are such an inspiration - thank you for sharing your journey.

I also want to point out that you need to nurture yourself too. Yes, time is limited when we spend 8+ hours out of the day chasing the money energy, but Leah counts too and needs time to herself. Carve out some time for you. Do you need me to take Sami for a few hours this weekend? He’s welcome to come to our craziness and work his magic there while you have some time alone. Reach out, lean on others, let them help you when they can and trust that when they offer something, their is truth in their giving and you can trust them.

I thought of the Naomi Aldort book, Raising Our Childre, Raising Ourselves when I was reading about Sami’s tantrums. It might be a good time to (re)read it and remember her SALVE formula. It gets me through a good many of those tantrums, which I have both kiddos doing now b/c of the seperation last week.

You are an amazing, kick-ass mama. You’re doing the whole thing and doing it with grace and dignity. Keep your head up and your heart open.

By: doeseatoats (Jordan)

doeseatoats (Jordan) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:55:57 +0000

Aww, that sounds so hard. The fact that you are so sensitive to Sami and he to you shows how tight the two of you are. You are so obviously such a good mama. You inspired me to spend half an hour wrassling with Clementine on our queen size bed (we’re dainty, so it’s big enough).

Have you read Anne Lamott’s book “Operating Instructions: A Guide To My Son’s First Year”? It is so amazing and real. If you haven’t, you ought to, and if you have, maybe you could read it again. It is very validating and raw and honest about being a single mother.

And do you have the book “Unconditional Parenting” by Alife Conn? I honestly haven’t read most of it, but it is so reccomended by the parents I respect.

By: Hanna

Hanna — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:04:55 +0000

OMG mine is 2.5, I’m scared. I thought I could get through this year and be in the clear. Hang in there, you did the right thing to leave the situation and get support!

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:51:11 +0000

Three year olds and their tantrums are legendary! It’s hard to take, I know from experience. I found the best thing for the parent to do is set firm boundaries and rules, and stick to them. The kids will cry, but they know you are in charge and soon respect, and even embrace, the rule setting. Kids grow, it gets better. My daughter made breakfast for me the other day

By: T

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:49:52 +0000

Whew girl.. I know all about the 3 year old tantrums. They’re stuck between wanting to be the baby and wanting to be a big kid. I went through quite a tough month when my older daughter started elementary school in August. My 3 year old is glued to the hip of her big sister so when sissy started a new school, I had quite a bit a snot-slinging 3 year old angst to get through. Thankfully, she’s settling in.

One thing I have noticed with my kids… when I’m unsettled, so are they. They COMPLETELY sense my frustration or my sadness and they act out what I’m trying to hold inside. I, too, feel guilty sometimes for needing a break but it certainly does make me a better mother. They get a refreshed mommy instead of the seething, will-you-just-leave-me-alone, irritable angry mom that they end up with, regrettably, at times. Talk about feelin’ like a bad mom!!!

Do what you have to do to nurture yourself. Know that if you’re ok, he will be too.

Broken Single Mom has to work on putting the pieces back together somehow. Both of you deserve to have her put back together again.