Comments on: Daddy’s back.

By: PT-LawMom

PT-LawMom — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:04:01 +0000

I definitely have your back, lady. Anytime.

By: single mom seeking

single mom seeking — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:02:49 +0000

I’m also in awe of your honesty here, and how you put it down so boldly. Good for you for feeling — instead of pushing away all those feelings. You’re an incredible mom.

And I need to pick up that Course in Miracles, too….

I think you know that I have major abandonment issues, too. Working on ‘em! Thanks for the inspiration.

By: admin

admin — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 05:12:54 +0000

Thanks T! I thought that was what you were referring to - I totally have it and have spent some time working with it but have neglected it for a while. Thanks for reminding me that it’s there for me to pick up when I am ready.

By: T

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:32:42 +0000

Leah, Its called A Course in Miracles. You can buy it at any bookstore but its one of those things that is best studied with a group. I facilitate a group and attend another group. That text has changed my life.

Hope your outlook clears soon.

By: Lumena

Lumena — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:18:28 +0000

I am so touched by your post and how you are dealing with all this. I never married my daughter’s dad, she is two and this is the second time he has stop seeing her. The first time he spent 7 months MIA and now it has been 2 months (he showed up for 4-5 visits right before a court hearing for alimony)… It breaks my heart to even think how is this going to affect my daughter. What will I say when she asks why he doesn’t see her? Does he love her? I don’t feel anger towards him, I was never in love with him… (some guilty feelings there) but I would be very protective of her if he shows up one day saying he wants to spend time with her…
thank you for posting and writing about this…

By: Hanna

Hanna — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:47:36 +0000

Thanks for this post. I am currently dealing with a similar situation, one where my ex has reinserted himself into our lives only under the watchful eye of the courts. I wonder if we would have ever returned had I not filed for custody.

*sigh* Its so hard, frustrating, soul-crushing and mind boggling to deal with this. I hope your son’s dad really comes through, because if he is a good dad that is so valuable. I’m struggling with the same “is it better for the dad to be involved on a sporadic/hurtful basis or not at all?”

I wish I had the answer, but my daughter is only 2 and I have yet to see how she will turn out.

By: Brooke

Brooke — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:39:56 +0000

I don’t know if I could handle this situation with the grace and dignity that you are. You are an inspiration. I hope that the meeting goes well on Monday. Hugs!

By: admin

admin — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:16:52 +0000

What a fabulous mix of comfort and food for thought here.

ptlawmom - so sorry that you’re going through this too. Let’s have each other’s back, ok?

Stacy - thanks for the metta. I need a whole mess of that right now I guess we all do, don’t we? Thanks also for the very insightful comments.

Part of me feels bad for even broadcasting this hatred into the blogosphere, but it is tempered with my awareness of it and desire to move past it and not to act on it…so guess that makes it “ok” from a spiritual perspective

T- I so appreciate your words. what text is it you’re studying, if you don’t mind sharing. That is a fascinating concept. I do believe that hate and love are but mirror images of each other.

I suggested a face to face meeting but he prefers the phone so…can’t force him to meet me in person. I am going to try somehow to broach the “why” of it all in a gentle way, because as several of you have mentioned, it’s important information gathering. It might be good for him to know that his kid asked about him every day for 2 months. I never told him that. It’s not to make him feel guilty, only to make him aware that his actions had a long-range impact on Sami. And that was when he was just a little over 2.

Laurie - thank you honey! that was the best bus ride I’ve had in ages. btw it appears we work a few blocks away from each other. maybe we can grab a quick coffee or something some time?

Dad’s and Mike: It’s so nice to have some male perspectives on this. Thank you. I am trying to keep an open mind (an open heart is harder) but will, cautiously, take one step at a time towards consciously mediating a reunion between Sami and his father.

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 19:00:00 +0000

Wow, you are being asked to deal with a lot. You are handling it well. I applaud you for not lashing out at your ex in front of your son. I also agree that you should try to do what is in Sami’s best interest. Is that letting him see his father? I think so. It’s his father, after all. Maybe think about what lesson you have the chance to teach Sami about life right now. Hatred? Vengeance? Or love? Acceptance? Compassion? It sounds like you are taking a great approach to all this, both logistically, and emotionally/spiritually. I’m sure you son wants to love his dad, and that love should be honored. And I think it can be without taking anything away from you or the life you’ve given your son these past 10 months. Just keep doing what you are doing!

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:15:57 +0000

Good for you. Yes it’s very easy to fall into that trap of letting anger and resentment cloud your judgement. I try to always remember what’s best for my son. Hopefully your ex has seen the error of his ways and will develop a solid relationship with his son which will be so important to him.