one single mother. one spririted preschooler. oy — what a life.
It would be so tempting to fall apart right now.
But I’m so over it.
Not that there is anything wrong with falling apart. It’s a category on my blog. I’ve consistently fallen apart very well, and I appreciate the process for what it is. Right now, though, I am more interested in piecing myself back together.
On the airplane trip across the country and back this past weekend, Sami and I kept busy by doing jigsaw puzzles. He’s gotten very interested in them all of a sudden, and I have too. In fact, I’m not sure who enjoys them more. Now, I am thinking of going full-on into the world of grown up puzzles. I’ve seen a ton here that have caught my fancy.
Doing puzzles relaxes me. It’s satisfying to find just the right piece and feel it click with the others. It’s a meditative act of sorts. I feel the old alpha brain waves kicking in, and I settle down into a place of less frantic thought.
Right now I am seeing these puzzles as a metaphor for my life. I put a bunch of pieces together, and part of the image appears, but it is still never done. Can I be ok with not seeing the whole picture? Can I be content with piecing myself together bit by bit? Can I hang in there during the times when I search and search for the next piece and it continues to elude me? Can I accept the messiness of loose pieces all around?
I feel like I am coming down from a several weeks’ long high. I now realize that MoTH and I used each other like drugs. Perhaps I had an inkling of this deep down, but didn’t want to cop to it. It was never real, none of it was, even though it felt that way. Now I’m learning to live without my drug of choice. It’s not so bad. Even though I am now alone, without even a Skype companion, I am relieved to be clean and clear.
In my last post, I asked why I attract men who poof. It occurred to me that it’s because I have poofed on myself to a great extent. I haven’t been taking terrific care of myself - and if I don’t do it, who is going to? Part of the fantasy with MoTH was that he was going to sweep me off my feet. He promised me everything, and I ate it up, like a starving animal. I didn’t know just how hungry I was until the promises collapsed like the house of cards they were.
So now…I get to nourish myself. No one is going to save me but me. This was the path I was on until I got a little sidetracked. And even this recent experience, I know, is not outside the realm of the sacred. Nothing is. This month, I am rededicating myself to my spiritual life. I’m going to commit to doing something each day to nourish my spirit, to piece myself back together, to approach the new year with a heart less broken.
What are your cures for a broken heart?
Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.
T
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:46 am
The puzzle is such a great metaphor.
I too felt like Soldier and I used each other as an escape. It sure did feel good at the time. But WOW, it does feel really great to have ME back again.
Just trying to stay present was the most difficult part of these past few months. If I could truly do that, then I felt contentment again.
Yes, love YOU the way you wish to be loved!! That is healing in itself!!!
Beth
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:22 pm
are you familiar with Carolyn Myss? (myss.com)
with archetypal patterns?
you so well described the DAMSEL archetype!…dying to be rescued.
dadshouse
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I love your idea of doing something each day to nourish the spirit. I try to wake up each morning and feel happy and grateful for whatever good is in my life.
Your puzzle metaphor is a good one. Are we meant to see the whole puzzle? Or is it enough to see just the parts we are working on? Sort of like a trip in a car at night - you only see what’s in your headlights in front of you, but you still get where you meant to go.
cat
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:03 pm
i dunno if i’ve suggested this before, but the book “prince charming isn’t coming” is pretty darned good if you’re looking for a paradigm shift. it’s about money, managing your own.
Hanna
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Music, blogging, taking a 2-year-old to the pool, building a snowman, putting up a Christmas tree, movies, books, friends….I’m still looking to add to the list, but these things have helped me deal.
You got us too!
Wendy
December 4th, 2008 at 12:38 am
I am still trying to figure out the answer to your question of what helps a broken heart. I have been searching for the answers for over four years now…since brain cancer choked the life out of my eleven yr old daughter.
My heart is shattered.
This I can tell you…there really is only one requirement. Keep breathing. Everything else is optional.
G
December 9th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
One of my first loves gave me a book as we broke up (one of the nicest break ups ever) and this was inscribed inside:
Somewhere someone is traveling furiously toward you,
At incredible speed, traveling day and night,
Through blizzards and desert heat, across torrents, through narrow passes
But will he know where to find you,
recognize you when he sees you,
Give you the thing he has for you?
‘At North Farm,’ John Ashberry
You have to kiss a number of frogs before you find your fairytale - that is the golden rule! But each frog tells you something about what you don’t want, and helps you to define what you want to move toward.
Before I met my husband, I had kissed my fair share - I don’t know how I survived long enough in the dating pool to actually meet him! I had allowed one obsession to break my heart four or five times for good measure - going back over and over again as if once wasn’t enough. I nearly didn’t survive that experience, but somehow good friends and hard work kept me breathing until I could move through it.
But what healed me was having something to move toward. I made a list of all the qualities I wanted in a partner and I allowed myself to admit that I really did want to get married. The dating game suddenly got a little bit easier - I didn’t waste my time (or theirs). I was looking for someone specific and I would recognize him when I met him.
I’m not sure it heals a broken heart, there is always the scar tissue to deal with. But moving toward something positive helped me to focus my mind on something other than the pain. The next time my heart is broken, I know I will pull that book off the shelf and read those lines again.