“They’ve been working on it with him at school for a while, but I have just avoided the whole thing when he is with me. It’s been easier for me, frankly, to change diapers then to have yet another struggle to deal with.”

Benjamin is making progress. He’s peeing on the potty, but also in his pants and on the floor (oh well). I have been taking his diaper off when he gets home from day care… trying to bribe him with chocolates and even reading him the “Everyone Poops” book but he still refuses to poo on the potty.

He’s also been asking for his Daddy a TON lately. Nice, considering his dad didn’t show this week.

MindyMom - so glad I could inspire you! It takes a village, doesn’t it?

Sarah, thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that. Hugs, mama!

C: that’s exactly what I’m imagining - H and his new little missus and their baby singing “kumbaya” around some campfire! All we can do is to remember, like Dad’s said that it’s not a competition and just love our kids with all our might, through the overwhelm. Mac n Cheese n peas sounds like a mighty fine dinner to me

T - thank you as always for the great insights and the reminder to take it easy on myself. I agree that force only leads to more power struggles. And goodness yes, what a paradox we face at parents. There is that fierce need to protect, and then…we know from experience that sometimes we learn most from the difficult experiences!

Dad’s - that’s hilarious. I might need to invest in one of those! Also thanks for the reassurance. It’s so nice to get insights from someone who’s more experienced in this whole arena. Right now it’s all so new!!

won - yes. It’s nice to realize that I don’t need to crack open yet another self help book! All I need to do is get present. Heh, ALL. It’s a simple practice but not always easy.

At least we are aware, and striving. Just for this moment anyhow.

My childhood best friend had one of these in his bathroom - and as a former boy (okay, I still have some boy in me), I can see, this thing is fun! Weepy the wee-wee: http://www.fakecrap.com/products/weepy.html

As for you worrying that Sami will go off and live happily with your ex forever… As a divorced dad with shared custody, I can tell you that hasn’t been the case with me, my ex, and our kids. We’ve been doing the coparent/two-home thing for 9 years. The kids find good things about both homes, both parenting styles, both vacation choices, etc. It’s not a competition. And our custody agreement ensures that both parents play vital roles.

I suppose my kids are getting to an age where they could choose to go live with one parent full time. But neither kid wants that.

Leah, we all “future trip”. Its ok. As you said, at least you’re aware of the energy underneath and you try to find stillness in that. But also, accept where you are. If you fight your fears, you give them power. Both awareness and acceptance work together to pull you out of it faster. Go easy on yourself.

And also, allow Sami to miss his father. I think you may be projecting your own pain on his little disappointments. I do the same thing. Its ok for him to have a disappointment here and there. It is a very powerful life lesson to realize that sometimes things don’t go the way we’d like them to go. But that we’ll be ok anyway.

You’re doing great! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, even if you do feel shame. I love your brave honesty!

And I also get nervous about my kids one day preferring their father’s home to mine. After all, with me they get a distracted, stressed, sometimes grumpy and downright mean single mama. They get mac’n'cheese’n'peas and tv time when I’m too overwhelmed to do better…
With Papa and his Home- Wrecking Girlfriend, they get gourmet meals (she’s a VERY good cook), lots of playtime, walks, songs around the fireplace with my Ex and HWGF playing their guitars. It’s hard to compete, and to some extent, that’s why it was so hard to leave my marriage. I knew I would be the stressed out single parent next to their idyllic little family. The kids might never know how truly evil (and sociopathic) they are… and I hope for the kids’ sake, they don’t ever find out.

Anyway, I digress.

Sami referring to his dad by his first name ….interesting. Suggests a bit of emotional caution despite his excitement at the prospect of seeing him.

Future tripping? Wish I had done far less of that when my own kids were growing up. So much worry about things that ultimately never happened.

*Returning* to co-parenting. Speaking of time and patience.
Regardless of what happens in those growing years, Sami will become a young man who knows that his mother never wavered on her dedication to , protection of, and love for him. That will be important.