For most of my life I have been a very disorganized person. Mentally more than in other ways. While I have completed a lot of things I am extremely proud of, more often than not I tend to start projects and put them down. I have been known to abandon ideas, things, causes, other people, myself. I’ve always been a chameleon and tend to make myself over completely every few years or so. My ex husband used to tell me that it made his head spin.
Perhaps it is my Gemini moon - I’ve got a roaming spirit.
Discipline has never been my strong suit.
But one of the practices suggested by the intuitive I spoke to on January 31 was to keep a morning and evening journal. The morning journal is filled with aspirations, and the evening journal is filled with gratitude. I love this little daily practice. It is like a bookend for my day. I start out focusing on something good and whole, and end the day in an equally positive light. It is comforting and I feel like every day that I do these little practices, that I am planting a seed for I know not what. Just planting seeds. It’s humble and nurturing and grounding.
For me the growth is not necessarily in the big epiphanies. Those are cool, no question, but I can have them and then just fall back into the same old rut that sparked the epiphanies. For me the growth is in the little daily practices, the moments of mindfulness that occur at unexpected times because I sat my ass down on a cushion and dared to face myself there.
Gratitude practice is rewiring my brain, to appreciate rather than to criticize or find fault. Teaching me to trust in the unfolding of all things and to see the beauty in the midst of the chaos, or at the very least get a little more skillful at accepting what is.
On another note, I may stop writing about dating for a little while. I’ve met someone, not an online connection, not just some random romp, but someone very special in a category all his own. It unfolded in a way that I never expected or could have imagined, with little to no effort on either of our parts. I have decided that I won’t blog about him or our relationship. I’ve never been a private person, but it just feels like something sacred that I am keeping in my heart right now.
Here’s to dailiness, magic, spontenaity, and open-heartedness. Here’s to the little things and the big things.
Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.