I walk by this every day.

I walk by this every day.

Now that spring is slowly, hesitatingly emerging here in Washington, DC, I have a new habit.  Each morning to and from work, I get off the bus and I walk.  All in all, I’m probably walking 25 minutes each way, but it is wonderful because I’ve been pretty sedentary all winter.

 

In general I am full of an intense energy.  I tend to lose myself in computer screens, in fantasies, in a world that is occupied in my mind.  My body is in deep need of grounding.  One of the things I greatly desire is to run - I love the idea of my feet pounding the pavement, hair flying, muscles straining (not to mention that killer bod that serious runners have).  But with bad knees and a back surgery to my credit, running intuitively doesn’t seem like the right thing to be doing. 

So I walk up and down 14th Street - Petworth to Columbia Heights to downtown and back.  

I like how when I walk, I run into people.  The other day, I ran into T in her car - a friend I had not seen for months.  She gave me a ride to the office and while I missed the rest of my walk, catching up was grand. Today, I ran into another friend, K.  K had recently lost her mom and was leaving her whole life behind here to embark on a glorious adventure into an unknown future.  It was tremendously exciting and inspiring to hear her story while standing on the corner of 14th and Park.  

While I walk I listen to music - I’ve been listening to a lot of hip hop lately, Flobots and other underground sounds, then listening to my own rough tracks and wonder how I can hone my words.  I dream of the day when my CD will be out, and plot the steps I must take to achieve that.  I think about setting my songs to images and making videos.  Who knows where the time for all these activities will come, but I am not worried about it.

I have all these dreams flowering.  I found out that the website that has been selling my chapbook ran out, and I’m almost out of my own copies, and I’m ready to go into a second edition. 

For so long I was shut down by the publishing world, shut down by rejection, and now I don’t f-ing care. I’m taking a DIY approach to life.  I don’t need to be validated by an agent or editor or MFA program or any outside entity.  In the world of Web 2.0 and digital media, anything is possible if I have a vision and some basic skills.

When I walk, I dream as I move. I dream of starting my own nonprofit - the outlines of it are murky, but I am reaching for a vision to coalesce.  Huge amounts of excitement and energy swirl around these ideas as well.  I’m heading to San Francisco for the Nonprofit Technology Network conference next month, and have a feeling I’ll be very inspired.

I dream of being out of the grind, releasing myself from the insanity of a whoppingly big mortgage payment (thank you, divorce!!), releasing my son from the grind of school and constantly structured activities.  

I dream of walking away from my house, giving it to the bank, heading into a simpler life where I can actually have a damn work-life balance, and not be working a job to pay for a house that I don’t spend a whole lot of time in other than while I’m asleep and a bit on Sundays.  I want to see my child more - now that his dad takes him one day a week, I feel like I’ve never spent less time with him in our lives.  These days are precious and often at the end of one, I have no idea where it has gone whatsoever.  The moments have all blurred into one another and life can feel like it’s perpetually on fast forward.

How to craft a mindful life, an intentional life, a life in line with my deepest values?  How did I fall into this capitalist, consumerist morass?  I must be here for a reason, trusting that.

My friend Y lives in an intentional community for activists, with very below-market rents, and I am going to ask to get on the waiting list.  That way if I let the bank take this house, then at least I have somewhere to go that is affordable.

Walking these days is my moving meditation - it’s my time, 30 minutes each morning and evening, just for me, to dream and appreciate my life as it is–but to also think about how I can take action to be more in alignment with the things I hold most dear.  

I am so glad I got this idea to get off the bus and hit the street. Huge insights have opened up for me with movement.  I haven’t been this big and grandiose in years.