Infatuation or strong desire might come from feeling bored with life or feeling there is a void to fill. That is not love. Love comes before the person appears, when one is content with what is. It seems that most people, men and women, do not know themselves and because of this they hurt others.

I have come to think that this is more out of their confusion and not really personal. This is not an excuse for hurtful or dishonest behaviour, but it helps to not fall into the trap of blaming others and focusing on the negative and with that attracting more of the negative into your life. You want to attract positive experiences, then think positive.

To avoid being hurt it might help to try to figure out who this person is, what his goals are and his underlying decency, which you could see in how he treats others or deals with ex-realtionships, how much he talks of himself or if he sees himself as the center of the universe. I have noticed in some men that they try very hard in keeping up their own self-perception, the picture they have of themselves, e.g. appearing to be a gentleman, the actions that follow are to keep up the image, not to make another person feel comfortable. But these actions are detectable, because they do not look natural, but superimposed.

Taking time helps and knowing yourself, what makes you happy and your interests. I think in the long run, sharing interests glues and keeps two people together.

Words are easily spoken, but it is the behaviour that counts. If someone throws, as you call it, gung-ho rapid promises to you, I would doubt if his heart is really in it. The heart is something precious and people looking for long term commitment tend to use their mind too along with their heart, wanting to do it right for you and themselves and also out of fear of being hurt themselves.

Trust your intuition. You know all of this and a little voice inside probably sends out the right singals at the right time, you just need to listen to it. Love and Light.

Not that you need to find a man. Really.

Yeah. I know.

I’m thinking of you. Triage… is a good thing. I apparently have some healing to do still over my last loss.

It will get better. And I’m with you. I am not a victim. I do not regret. But sometimes, a time out to simply be… is just what is needed.

But this is just how things are right now. I am convinced this isn’t a permanent condition.

Let me know if you find my heart in that alleyway alongside yours. Beating strongly, just maybe a little lost.

The vows Kai posted there made me cry. Thanks for your post Leah and for opening up to us.

Dating is so tough, and both men and women slaughter each others’ hearts all the time.

Because I feel the same way you do in this post, I am not dating anymore for the rest of the year. I think of it as a dating detox, that way I can deal with what’s at the root of all my dating misshaps.

Good luck with what ever you do.

“…you have told me it is your firm understanding that you are not entering into this marriage for reasons of security . . . . . . that the only real security is not in owning or possessing, nor in being owned or possessed . . . not in demanding or expecting, and not even in hoping, that what you think you need in life will be supplied by the other . . . but rather, in knowing that everything you need in life . . . all the love, all the wisdom, all the insight, all the power, all the knowledge, all the understanding, all the nurturing, all the compassion, and all the strength . . . resides within you . . . and that you are not marrying the other in hopes of getting these things, but in hopes of giving these gifts, that the other might have them in even greater abundance.

…you have told me it is your firm understanding you are not entering into this marriage as a means of in any way limiting, controlling, hindering, or restricting each other from any true expression and honest celebration of that which is the highest and best within you - including your love of God, your love of life, your love of people, your love of creativity, your love of work, or any aspect of your being which genuinely represents you, and brings you joy.

…Finally, you have said to me that you do not see marriage as producing obligations but rather as providing opportunities . . . opportunities for growth, for full Self-expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about yourself, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls . . . that this is truly a Holy Communion . . . a journey through life with one you love as an equal partner, sharing equally both the authority and the responsibilities inherent in any partnership, bearing equally what burdens there be, basking equally in the glories.”

Your journey and insights have given me pause to reflect on my own life – thank you. As you have aptly pointed out, “we can create our reality” – more importantly, we already are, although we may not want to believe it or like it – but I think you already know that. It’s when we are creating from our centre/being, instead of will, that things really change and this comes through in your own words and shared experiences. - Follow your joy.

I was badly hurt last summer by a man I met at a music festival. Over the following weeks he told me he wished he had met me years ago and that I was the woman he never thought he’d meet, the woman of his dreams blah blah blah.

Sadly he appeared to be my perfect man. Extremely funny and we made each other laugh and had a lot in common. We didn’t get to the stage where we slept together. But I wanted to. And I started imagining a future with him. He suddenly stopped calling and I never heard from him again. Turns out he was married with a little son.

I’ve been off men ever since. I’m so sick of these players and I have lost a lot of trust now. Thanks for your honest posts x

I’ve had the best dating success when I meet women through friends. There’s more accountability.

In short - great post. I can relate.