Comments on: Distraught http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/ one single mother. one spririted preschooler. oy -- what a life. Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:25:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: single mom seeking http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1035 single mom seeking Sat, 16 May 2009 06:08:09 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1035 Sweetheart, this post makes me remember SO much!... I imagine that you're on you're on your way home? I started to leave my daughter on overnights starting at age 3 -- like Debra said, with a very good single mom friend. I felt so guilty to hear the first time that she'd cried... but my friend held her. She was loved. Today, people marvel at how adaptable she is. The important thing here is: your son is loved. You might not be there, but he's surrounded by people who care about him, and listen to his feelings. Sending wishes... Sweetheart, this post makes me remember SO much!… I imagine that you’re on you’re on your way home?

I started to leave my daughter on overnights starting at age 3 — like Debra said, with a very good single mom friend. I felt so guilty to hear the first time that she’d cried… but my friend held her. She was loved. Today, people marvel at how adaptable she is.

The important thing here is: your son is loved. You might not be there, but he’s surrounded by people who care about him, and listen to his feelings.

Sending wishes…

]]> By: dadshouse http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1032 dadshouse Wed, 13 May 2009 22:59:21 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1032 Leaving your child while you are away is hard! I remember a few times taking long trips with my wife, and not bringing the kids, and it was very hard for me and my son. My wife and daughter handled it better. One thing we did was make a video for the kids to watch while we were gong. Today there is webcam chat like skype. Maybe that would help? Hope you have a smooth flight back! Leaving your child while you are away is hard! I remember a few times taking long trips with my wife, and not bringing the kids, and it was very hard for me and my son. My wife and daughter handled it better. One thing we did was make a video for the kids to watch while we were gong. Today there is webcam chat like skype. Maybe that would help? Hope you have a smooth flight back!

]]> By: Dr. Leah www.singlemommyhood.com http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1031 Dr. Leah www.singlemommyhood.com Wed, 13 May 2009 18:52:02 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1031 I feel for you. I honestly do. I hope your trip home was "hassle free" and both of you simply found comfort and peace with each other. Sending good thoughts your way. I feel for you. I honestly do. I hope your trip home was “hassle free” and both of you simply found comfort and peace with each other. Sending good thoughts your way.

]]> By: Debra http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1030 Debra Wed, 13 May 2009 12:02:53 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1030 When my son was about 4, my best friend was hugging on him and telling him she loved him (he's known her since birth). He looked at her and said, 'I'm not your child, how can you love me so much?' She explained that she didn't have to be his parent to love him as much as she did. It was like a light bulb went on over his head. He smiled, and lit up with the realization that it is not just your parents, or your family who love you. My best friend will be part of his life forever. He feels safe with her and her family, and knows their love for him is unconditional. Now that I'm a single Mom, the relationship he has with her is invaluable. It has given a very shy boy confidence and pride to know that someone who is not his parent loves him unconditionally. The point to my story; it will always break your heart to leave your son for work travel. I've been doing it off and on as my job requires since my son was born (he's almost 8 now). Count your blessings that your friend is willing to step in when his Dad is not able to. And know that he will develop a relationship with your friend that will build his strength and confidence and the cirlce of people he knows he can count on to love him. When my son was about 4, my best friend was hugging on him and telling him she loved him (he’s known her since birth). He looked at her and said, ‘I’m not your child, how can you love me so much?’ She explained that she didn’t have to be his parent to love him as much as she did. It was like a light bulb went on over his head. He smiled, and lit up with the realization that it is not just your parents, or your family who love you. My best friend will be part of his life forever. He feels safe with her and her family, and knows their love for him is unconditional. Now that I’m a single Mom, the relationship he has with her is invaluable. It has given a very shy boy confidence and pride to know that someone who is not his parent loves him unconditionally.
The point to my story; it will always break your heart to leave your son for work travel. I’ve been doing it off and on as my job requires since my son was born (he’s almost 8 now). Count your blessings that your friend is willing to step in when his Dad is not able to. And know that he will develop a relationship with your friend that will build his strength and confidence and the cirlce of people he knows he can count on to love him.

]]> By: chris http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1028 chris Wed, 13 May 2009 03:56:41 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1028 It's ok to be upset - just don't add to it. There isn't a problem. And maybe after or before such a phone call a little zazen to help with the balance finding thing. This advice, for you my friend, is free :-) We'll pray for you and Sami tonight. --Chris It’s ok to be upset - just don’t add to it. There isn’t a problem.

And maybe after or before such a phone call a little zazen to help with the balance finding thing.

This advice, for you my friend, is free :-)

We’ll pray for you and Sami tonight.

–Chris

]]> By: Gianna http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1027 Gianna Wed, 13 May 2009 03:38:11 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1027 Hi sweetie... sending you love and letting you know not to worry about our little deal...you take care of you, okay? Hi sweetie…
sending you love and letting you know not to worry about our little deal…you take care of you, okay?

]]> By: T http://mamadharma.net/2009/05/distraught/#comment-1026 T Wed, 13 May 2009 02:35:27 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=604#comment-1026 First of all, STOP. We all have to leave our children with caring adults <i>other than ourselves</i> and they learn to deal with it. I promise you that he will learn to deal with it and he will be <b>fine</b>. You are doing your best and you are giving him love. So are his caregivers. In your panic, you will send him into a panic. Calm down. Deep breath. I know this will sound funny but it reminded me of something I saw on the Dog Whisperer. I've only seen that show once but this stuck with me. The dog would panic when he was around his owner who saw him as scared and hurt. When the dog was around others who didn't see him that way, he was perfectly happy and content. Our kids react to things the way we do. If you are doing what is best for you right now (and perhaps you could look into a job without travel), then you simply come back home after your trips and praise Sami on being a sweet boy. Tell him you missed him but it is so good for him to be around other people. You are not causing him distress. I promise he will not remember this and in the meanwhile is becoming a strong, independent little man. You are doing just fine. Super giant hugs girl. Chin up. Love ya. First of all, STOP.

We all have to leave our children with caring adults other than ourselves and they learn to deal with it.

I promise you that he will learn to deal with it and he will be fine.

You are doing your best and you are giving him love. So are his caregivers. In your panic, you will send him into a panic.

Calm down. Deep breath.

I know this will sound funny but it reminded me of something I saw on the Dog Whisperer. I’ve only seen that show once but this stuck with me.

The dog would panic when he was around his owner who saw him as scared and hurt. When the dog was around others who didn’t see him that way, he was perfectly happy and content.

Our kids react to things the way we do. If you are doing what is best for you right now (and perhaps you could look into a job without travel), then you simply come back home after your trips and praise Sami on being a sweet boy. Tell him you missed him but it is so good for him to be around other people.

You are not causing him distress. I promise he will not remember this and in the meanwhile is becoming a strong, independent little man.

You are doing just fine. Super giant hugs girl. Chin up.

Love ya.

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