one single mother. one spririted preschooler. oy — what a life.
I’m tired so tired not a fan of this feeling that life is passing me by and my child grew an inch I swear while I was gone for four days in CA and sometimes I feel like when I am with him I am not really with him because my mind is always wandering and he is always moving, doing boy stuff like crashing cars and going on about spiderman and power rangers and things that actually make me very uncomfortable because i am hung up on aggression. i try not to resist too much because what we resist persists but i never liked that saying because i feel like it is saying not to resist and there are some things that i must resist. anyway tangent - my son is so cute, so cute, that sweet little face, limber little bod and i am angry at his father for corrupting his mind with that violent crap it is like junk food for the mind and spirit and he’s feeling it to my son who is now kinda addicted to it.
the house is a mess and my own mind is a mess and I’m always cleaning and yet the kitchen counter is crawling with ants which freaks out my son and freaks me out and I can’t get rid of the ants.
My heart continues to break - stupid heart! stop fucking breaking and mend. just get over yourself, heart. there is a he that left me alone and this insult won’t leave me alone. i went out on a date on friday night with another he but was too tired to allow myself to be kissed, too broken even to seize a more than likely guaranteed opportunity for sex. i have utterly surrendered to this fear and expectation of men hurting me. i’m braced for it, wincing, need to get my power back. my power - it’s leaking out of some chakra onto the ground, and it’s leaving an ugly stain on the concrete.
i’m too tired to punctuate and edit or even to attempt to use proper grammar. this may make for a less than stellar or interesting piece to read but i need to write and am shooting for imperfection here.
i am on the verge of tears and have been for days - it’s not even my time of the month so no excuses for this emotionality other than my innate sensitive soppiness. i don’t mean to paint it all as melodramatic because there has been laughter. i had a great time on my date the other night even though i am already pretty sure it was the last.
there has been swimming on a rainy day with a small squirmy wormy flipping and flopping in my arms, attempting to propel his body through the water independently.
there have been two guy friends crashing in the house for a few days, filling it with queer and wonderful energy. there was the omelette cooked for me by J one of my sweet house guests, who I wish would never leave.
there is the excitement of my spoken word album unfolding in the next few months, mixed with a fair amount of scared-shitness that it’s actually happening.
there is good and there is bad and there is ugly and there is unbearable.
but damn it, all things change, this i know viscerally. this exhaustion will go, this fear of men hurting me, this sense of occasional disconnectedness from my uber masculine son. i cherish his moments of sweetness before sleep. i hold him and rub his back in circles and kiss him on his sweet little cheek, just the right roundedness, just the right density and consistency and i love him more than i can comprehend.
i’m a blubbering mess but wouldn’t have it any other way, right now. i’m not even going to reread this post, just going to publish as is, mess and all.
Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.
Gianna
May 6th, 2009 at 3:01 am
the post is beautiful as are you.
peace.
Stacy (mama-om)
May 6th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Oh, hon.
I’m hung up on aggression too. And I have TWO boys.
Hugs,
Stacy
T
May 6th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Uh huh. Yeah. Me too. (just between you and me)
and Rachel told me, “Well, you sound just fine online!”
but i’m not. still hurting. broken. sad. want time to stop and just give me a moment to regroup.
(see what i’m doing here? same as you. if you don’t mind)
i’m hangin’ on and i know this will pass but i’m too tired to even blog about it.
so…. i’ll comment about it.
right there with ya. yep. ditto.
Karen Maezen Miller
May 6th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
This is called “the thought of enlightenment.”
Alaina (Ms. Single Mama)
May 9th, 2009 at 2:21 am
We can’t always be in control can we?
The growing thing - too fast - I get that and I hate that. It’s so hard to do it all, because we just can’t.
I think a road trip is in order. You need a BIG fat fucking hug. Shall we meet in the middle? I’m daydreaming. But not really because you’re only like 6 hours away.
So let’s get planning. And I get free gas…
Your tattoo kicks the shit out of my tattoo. FYI. You rock mama.
chris
May 9th, 2009 at 6:24 am
dharma gate of pain. an honest teacher.
incidentally, your post has lovely language.
Power Rangers is best viewed as ballet or camp. it is stylized and fun. You can ask Ben to do his moves and it is just like first position etc from dance but with more fun sound effects. kind of like the dancing of the sharks and jets in west side story looks now. red ranger ready! Now twirl and 2 3 jump.
Svasti
May 9th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Sometimes, that is what we need. To just say what’s on our mind, get it out there, not judge it. Seems like there’s a lot going on.
Bringing up a boy, I can imagine (not that I have kids), would be challenging as a woman. Especially given what we know of the history of opression/aggression by men. But oh, what a wonderful honour, the chance to bring a man into this world who knows its okay to care and show love.
Think I’ve lived with one kind of broken heart or another for many years now, on and off. But mostly on. Perhaps, for those of us who write… or are more sensitive… that’s just part of how it goes?
On a hunch, I’d say you need to find some space to stop spinning, even for ten minutes. Just time for you, doors locked, phones off and get connected with your breath, and the rising sun within your heart that draws us all back to source.
Naturalgal
May 9th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Hi,
I know it is hard. I remember when my daughter was little. I miss that time like you talk about just before they fall asleep.
Dating is hard too. Maybe a period of no dating would be the thing to do. Just concentrate on other things.
krista
May 12th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I’m glad you did and knowing you makes me feel less alone in the world. Thanks for writing.
admin
May 13th, 2009 at 1:42 am
I’m so appreciative of all your kind words…I have been feeling wounded lately and they mean a lot.
Krista, big hugs and I feel the same way about you…
Naturalgal…yes…I agree, and have basically reached the point where I feel like it would be healthy to take a step back from the dating thing.
Svasti - thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. What a beautiful beautiful comment. I love that idea of the “rising sun within my heart.” Gorgeous, thank you!
Chris, oh my goodness, thank you for the alternate and light-hearted perspective on Power Rangers. It sure would do us all some good if I could figure out a way to shift my perspective on this issue of “aggression” as I am labeling it.
Alaina - we’re gonna make it happen! Thanks for reaching out
Karen - love to you, thank you…yes…for witnessing and reminding.
T - I so appreciate you feeling comfortable to comment here…always know you’re welcome to share whatever in this virtual space. Big hugs to you mama.
Stacy - ah yes, at least we recognize our hang ups, lol.
Gianna - thank you for your kind words, right back atcha, beauty!