Comments on: Talking to kids about death. http://mamadharma.net/2009/12/talking-to-kids-about-death/ one single mother. one spririted preschooler. oy -- what a life. Fri, 18 May 2012 13:24:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Liz http://mamadharma.net/2009/12/talking-to-kids-about-death/#comment-1265 Liz Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:11:50 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=695#comment-1265 God I wish you lived near me. Our lives parallel one another in so many ways. I just had to have the death talk, but, it was a pet. My Mom's cat had to be put to sleep at age 14. I was dreading the talk because my kiddo has strong ties to my parents house. For a year and a half she stayed overnight from friday to saturday every week so that i could work my half day shift on saturday. It was a major adjustment for her when I lost that job and she didn't go every week anymore. Elsa (the cat) was a loving cat and who was tiny just like a kitten (we never found out what breed she was to make her stay so small) and my kid would name her on lists of people she loved. Anyway, my sis-in-law told me about Maria Shrivers' book on heaven. So I waited until I bought it and then told her Elsa had died and gone to heaven. She crumbled into my lap and I lost it. I pulled myself together and we read the book, with me changing some parts to animals. And ever since, she's been saying things like "When Elsa dies in heaven she can come back to Grannys house" and "Elsa's not happy and wants to come play with me again". I know it's not like when a family member or friend dies, but it's still so hard to see your child cry. I had to attend a lot of funerals as a kid, some being people I loved very dearly and was close to, so I'm going to keep reading this book to her so that she will get used to the idea of heaven and understand it better as she gets older. Good luck with your kiddo. And if you find some good reading on the topic, please share with us! :o) God I wish you lived near me. Our lives parallel one another in so many ways. I just had to have the death talk, but, it was a pet. My Mom’s cat had to be put to sleep at age 14. I was dreading the talk because my kiddo has strong ties to my parents house. For a year and a half she stayed overnight from friday to saturday every week so that i could work my half day shift on saturday. It was a major adjustment for her when I lost that job and she didn’t go every week anymore. Elsa (the cat) was a loving cat and who was tiny just like a kitten (we never found out what breed she was to make her stay so small) and my kid would name her on lists of people she loved.
Anyway, my sis-in-law told me about Maria Shrivers’ book on heaven. So I waited until I bought it and then told her Elsa had died and gone to heaven. She crumbled into my lap and I lost it. I pulled myself together and we read the book, with me changing some parts to animals. And ever since, she’s been saying things like “When Elsa dies in heaven she can come back to Grannys house” and “Elsa’s not happy and wants to come play with me again”.
I know it’s not like when a family member or friend dies, but it’s still so hard to see your child cry. I had to attend a lot of funerals as a kid, some being people I loved very dearly and was close to, so I’m going to keep reading this book to her so that she will get used to the idea of heaven and understand it better as she gets older.
Good luck with your kiddo. And if you find some good reading on the topic, please share with us! :o)

]]> By: T http://mamadharma.net/2009/12/talking-to-kids-about-death/#comment-1263 T Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:13:42 +0000 http://mamadharma.net/?p=695#comment-1263 They are our little teachers, aren't they? And bringing it back up means that you have to look at it and let it go. Believe me. It was my 8 year old (a few years back) that helped me to redefine death. When my grandfather, then my grandmother and eventually my father passed, she dealt with all of those losses much better than I did. "Mommy, they're not dead. They live on in your heart." Just as she feels me when I'm not with her, I feel those people with me too. But as you said, every child is different. Allow him to grieve the temporary but teach him the certainty of love. ((hugs)) They are our little teachers, aren’t they? And bringing it back up means that you have to look at it and let it go. Believe me.

It was my 8 year old (a few years back) that helped me to redefine death. When my grandfather, then my grandmother and eventually my father passed, she dealt with all of those losses much better than I did.

“Mommy, they’re not dead. They live on in your heart.”

Just as she feels me when I’m not with her, I feel those people with me too.

But as you said, every child is different. Allow him to grieve the temporary but teach him the certainty of love.

((hugs))

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