one single mother. one spririted preschooler. oy — what a life.
Would you date a single mom with a big-ass tattoo?
7Sep2010 Filed under: Staying present, Year of Loving Myself Passionately, acceptance, dating, fear, rejection, tattoo, trust Author: adminLately, I have been feeling really insecure about my huge half-sleeve tattoo. I guess that means I’m not as cool or cutting-edge as I’d like to think I am.
When I got it in spring 2009, yes I was a “mature” woman of 33, but I was also not in the best place. I was somewhat checked out and drinking a lot. I was in a very weird relationship with this guy I was completely in love with but who didn’t love me - he just wanted to do activist work together. It was all very torturous and strange and I’m glad that I’m in a more evolved place this year.
So I got this tattoo - and I do love it. It is of a Kwan Yin with a child, and is meant to symbolize compassion, wisdom, motherhood, the Divine Feminine. It’s beautiful - truly a work of art.
Yet…I can’t help but wonder - how many wonderful men will I scare off with this tattoo?
Not that I am looking to date some ultra-conservative guy…I am looking to meet someone who is a bit offbeat like me. But also someone stable, sane, responsible. Probably not a tattooed, pierced twenty-something (no offense to tattooed, pierced twenty-somethings).
Not that I am even dating right now (my year of no-dating/celibacy ends in 4 months)…but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about it at all.
I keep wondering how many guys would be ashamed to take me and my big-ass tattoo home to mama. Maybe they will write me off as a wild party girl, when they are looking for a good girl. Ironically, I am a VERY good girl these days - I don’t even drink! I’m the most responsible I’ve ever been in my life.
When I find myself overly obsessing about the tattoo, I have to remember to stop future-trippin’ and come back to the present. None of this is happening now. I am not dating right now, and I am OK just as I am. I don’t need to worry one iota about what some imaginary guy I haven’t even met yet - nor am even interested in meeting at this time - will think of my tattoo. I have to remember to embody the energy of the tattoo on my skin - Ms. Kwan Yin herself - and to love myself unconditionally.
Truth be told, I’m pretty scared of getting back into the dating game. Sure, I still have four months until my year of no-dating is over, but I am getting pretty comfortable with the certainty and predictability of it. There is no rejection here…no flaky guys standing me up or canceling at the last minute. No magical first dates followed up by an email a few days (or weeks later): I had a great time with you, but I’m not ready to date someone with kids. No wild, passionate romances that fizzle out in a few weeks, for no discernible reason. If I spend a Friday night alone, it’s not because I can’t get a date, it’s because I choose not to. It’s been calm, it’s been comforting…it’s been nurturing. And not nearly as boring as I thought it would be.
Yet I know that life is nothing without taking risks…and in about four months I’ll jump back into the dating fray once again. I try to hold my head up high and have faith that someday my path will cross with the right man at the right time who will love me, love my child, and love my tattoo.
9 Responses to “Would you date a single mom with a big-ass tattoo?”
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About this blog
Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.
nathan
September 7th, 2010 at 1:59 am
It’s funny - you sound in a very similar place as I have been lately. Same age - 34. Single. Wondering what others are going to think of you when you get out into the dating world again.
After several years of both being a teacher, and founding a non-profit organization, I walked away from it all, and now am unemployed. I sometimes wonder if women will simply see me as another lazy slouch, even though I know neither of those words would fit for me. In fact, my zen teacher told me to enjoy a bit of time off, and even suggested that I delegate some of my sangha work to others for now.
I’m not used to being in this place - having little to hold on to or offer in terms of ready packaged identity - and I can see that for you some as well, from your year off from dating to not drinking, and even that tattoo which both fits and doesn’t fit who you are.
I’m kind of convinced that very few of us really are aware and awaken enough to understand what it is we actually need in a romantic relationship. And so, perhaps that offers some solace when someone rejects you for superficial reasons. And maybe it also offers an opening to accept someone in your life that isn’t who you thought you’d end up with.
Momma Sunshine
September 7th, 2010 at 9:54 am
The right man will come along at the right time, who will love everything about you. Promise.
In the meantime, enjoy these last 4 months.
*hugs*
Kelly O
September 7th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I would totally date a single mom with a big-ass tattoo. What’s more, I think the guy who would, too, is probably awesome. The guy who would not: probably pretty lame.
Ashley
September 8th, 2010 at 3:32 am
Well, beings as I LOVE that tattoo, I nodded my head emphatically when I read your title. As the proud owner of a large arm tattoo, though, I understand your hesitation. It was SO cool when I did, so now, so ME, so needed - lord knows I needed to direct that pain somewhere else, some outward place. But now, well, yes, it’s beautiful, but I’m unsure of it too.
So, hang in there. Those of us who love you for you don’t care about the package - big, small, pierced, inked, none of the above - it’s your heart and soul that matters and the beauty that you carry around each and every day cannot be hidden or overlooked and the right person, with the ‘right’ kind of eyes will come along soon enough.
Ro-Ro
September 8th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
I thought I was brave giving up shopping for a year, but self-imposed celibacy is much tougher! That said, as a single mama in a rural Ireland, more months go by than I’d like to admit without much male attention.
I bet your tattoo is gorgeous, but I know what you mean. If it makes you feel any better, my nose ring has been stuck on my face for 7 years now! I can relate to your feelings about changing as you grow older and wanting to be accepted as you are. It can be a lonely place waiting to meet that special person to share our soul journey with. I thought I’d found mine, but he has moved on. As you said, it helps to stay in the present and keep on breathing… let it in, let it out…
trinity67
September 9th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
If I found the woman with a big-ass tattoo to be attractive, smart and kind then the big-ass tatto would be of no consequence in fact, the big-ass tattoo would only add to the attraction factor. :o)
Angela
September 10th, 2010 at 2:47 am
I planned on doing the same thing as you this year - to make sure to love and appreciate myself, instead of hoping a (specific) man would do so… and I’ve failed miserably (although I’ve lived that way for most of my life, I found myself thinking that it would be nice to keep in shape for someone else for a change, which annoys me as I write it). I can’t believe how much of my life this year, has been wasted on emotions of a man who messed with me - he started to step up in the way that I’d hoped, but it was too late, and he did it for the wrong reasons. He also acted like an @ss, which makes me kick myself even more for having wasted so much emotional energy on him this year. I could probably find myself dates if I weren’t so isolated, and/or if I added myself to dating sites, but I can’t be bothered.
I’m glad you’re doing well this year.
Karissa
September 15th, 2010 at 2:11 am
I have a pretty big lotus flower on my left shoulder that I got at age 29. Sometimes I regret it, sometimes not. My sweetheart doesn’t mind it at all. We are both former punk-rockers and he rebelled by not getting any ink at all. He says he wants to be the only one we know without a tattoo
matthew c
October 20th, 2011 at 1:18 am
I highly commend you on your 8 months of non dating. It gives you time to reflect on what is truely important to you. Especially what you are looking for in life and a partner. Having a tattoo should not matter if the guy truely likes you. He should be able to look past that if he is the right guy!