It has been 365 days since I have been out on a date, or even remotely pursued anything with men. It was a conscious choice I made last year, after a long string of bad decisions, near fatal attractions, a glut of embarrassingly adolescent behavior, and much scraping my heart up off the floor. The Year [...]
I was supposed to fly out yesterday for a work conference in LA. The day before I left, I got a call: my 88 year-old grandmother had collapsed and was in the hospital in San Diego. Immediately, I shared this information with my boss and she said to me, “go and take care of your [...]
“I’m sad,” S said plaintively as we drove home from an errand tonight.
“Why are you sad, honey?”
“One is not enough.”
As I asked questions to get more out of him, it became clear that he meant that *I* am not enough. I’m not being paranoid here. He literally rattled off the names of all the people [...]
Divorce tears apart so many things.
Two relationships that I have continued to mourn: the loss of a sister-in-law and a stepson. I was close to the both of them - as close as you can be when they live in another country. I immediately felt comfortable around my ex sister-in-law, from the first moment we met. [...]
S comes home from school the other day with a card, on which he proudly proclaims that he has drawn “Grandma and Grandpa.” Then I open his backpack and see the dreaded newsletter: “Grandparents’ Day! We are encouraging students to invite their Grandparents (or Grandparent-like person) to school with them…”
My son doesn’t have grandparents, or [...]
Lately, I have been feeling really insecure about my huge half-sleeve tattoo. I guess that means I’m not as cool or cutting-edge as I’d like to think I am.
When I got it in spring 2009, yes I was a “mature” woman of 33, but I was also not in the best place. I was somewhat [...]
Over two years after my divorce, I am still moving through grief. It feels like quicksand sometimes…I make some headway, and then a little (or big) thing will just set me back into the mire. Then I slowly go about the business of climbing out again.
Recently, a somewhat big thing happened that set me back [...]
I have neglected this blog for so long, it almost feels silly to start it back up again. Being a blogger takes a lot of work and discipline and I have just been too overwhelmed with life to put in the effort. Yet, I miss the practice. I am not going to make any promises [...]
As I hear my ex’s car pull up to drop off S, I open the blinds. The light goes on in the car.
She is sitting there. I don’t see her face, I have never seen her face…but I see the toss of a head. Long curly hair.
I feel sick. I feel my aloneness, my acute [...]
A little over a month ago, I declared 2010 (ok, perhaps a bit early) “The Year of Loving Myself Passionately (TYOLMP).” This is a serious decision for me: a holy vow to really, no-bullshit, truly, honestly shed some layers of self hatred and get down to the business of serious self esteem-building. I am literally [...]
Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.