This Mama’s Dharma

I’ve had a few empowering experiences in the past few days that cause me to have renewed trust in the unfolding of life.  They are both little things, but it is often the little things in life that are the most awe-inspiring to me. 
The first one happened last night: Sami’s dad came with me to the school to [...]

Sami is just a little over 3 years old, and I’ve finally gotten around to starting toilet learning with him.  (I don’t really like the term “potty training” because it kind of sounds like boot camp to me.)  In the scheme of things, it is not incredibly late, and I’ve read about some studies that [...]

I’m on a compassion jag and I can’t stop it.
I have been gathering up Sami’s baby gear to donate to a local thrift store, but then as I was looking at those two bags of stuff sitting there in the front hallway this evening, it hit me that I know someone who can really use [...]

But first: a ”Baby Daddy” Update.  Exhaling deeply.  There has been a break in the persistent awfulness of this past week.   
I cringe when I read about the horror and devastation happening in Israel and Palestine.
Is it possible that there could be one less Jew and Arab fighting in the world?
Last night, I listened to somebody [...]

Someone to tell me what to do.
There is not much narrative
Left in me right now. 
I’m tired.
This morning I get an email from the ex
Agreeing that we have gone nowhere with our nasty emails.
Our fights have always been legendary.
I really want to have Sami in my life
As much as I want to be in his,
He wrote.
I spoke [...]

Last night, at visit #4, my ex dropped a very large bomb.
Before that, he dropped a smaller bomb. 
He asked me to take down a picture of Sami on his photo website where there is a Star of David painted on his cheek. 
I explained to him gently that Sami himself asked for that Star of David on [...]

First of all, I must announce that I am offically full of shit. 
Despite recent meanderings  that hinted to the contrary, I am not going to stop trying to meet someone (never mind if wisdom indicates that it would probably be a good thing for me to intentionally be on my own for a while).  In fact, [...]

(This is a post that I wrote on and off through my stay in California, battling my grandmother’s virus-addled PC.  Hope you don’t catch anything!  - MamaDharma)
Tonight I read a stunning interview in The Sun Magazine (excerpted online but really worth reading in its entirety) with Kittissaro and Thanissara, a couple who lived as Buddhist monks [...]

Last night was filled with nightmares.  In one, I was out to dinner with my ex and his new wife.  Everything was going relatively well until I went to the bathroom and came back finding them in mid-PDA.  I flipped out, and this involved me cursing, shaking my fist at her, and giving them the finger [...]

He doesn’t remember him.  
When he walked in the door, there was no “Daddy!”  No running to him.  No recognition.  Just a shyness.
“Who’s this, Sami?” I asked.  ”Who’s this man?”
No answer.
Periodically throughout the night, my ex tried to get Sami to call him by his name.
“You used to call me ‘Daddy,’” I heard him say [...]