equanimity Category

Lately I have been reading through a journal I wrote when I turned 25 - ramblings and musings from a decade ago when I was so young I felt invincible. I felt overwhelmed by what seemed like life’s endless possibilities. I had starry-eyed dreams of accomplishing Something Big. I had a lot of very high [...]

Ah, the bitter irony of this life. I was to have a full five days to myself while Sami was at his father’s. And what happens? The Snowpocalypse of 2009. All my plans to be a whirling dervish of activity, dashed.
It ended up being all good. I just so happened to have a wonderful house [...]

“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.”
Helen Keller
As I embark on this path of celibacy and the journey inward, the journey home, I come face to face with blinding  spells of loneliness and self-pity. The old, familiar tale. The sense of [...]

Not partying, not smoking, not drinking, not dating, not indulging in my addictions, I am feeling raw emotions bubbling up to the surface with ferocity. Mostly guilt, sadness, shame, confusion…grief. Boatloads of grief. Trying to love myself through it all - my so human, so flawed self.
I have made so many mistakes in my life, [...]

This is a very special time of year for me when New Age Mama comes out in full force.  It is the Aries New Moon - the astrological new year, so to speak.  A ritual that I began for the first time last year was to make what is called a “treasure map” - a [...]

I believe that in this world all matter is interconnected - what influences the inner influences the outer, and vice-versa.  My new tattoo is a perfect example of this principle.
I feel as if I have undergone an initiation of sorts.  I am marked for life.  So many experiences have marked me for life in the [...]

March is already here, arriving with a fierce blanket of snow.  
Life is speeding by so, we did not yet get a chance to play in it.  If it had been up to me, I would have taken a snow day, but work called, so off we went, two hours late.
I looked out the window [...]

Tonight I had a fairly awful talk with my ex.  I started out simply by asking for some explanation of what has been up for the last 10 months, as well as some kind of reassurance that he was going to stick around this time and that he was really ready to come back into [...]

Oh, my.  On days like these I am reminded of how fragile I can be sometimes.
All it takes is “a thing” to get me spiraling.  And there’s almost always “a thing.”  Life is full of them.
Work was hard today.  I can’t really write about it because I feel weird writing about work stuff on this [...]

The full moon hangs larger than life in the sky and my heart is open.  
Oh it’s so odd how I swing from feeling so disconnected to feeling so connected, like tonight.
Ricky’s death reminded me that life is nothing but a glorious series of possibilities.  How blessed we are to breathe, how blessed our hearts [...]

About this blog

Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.