This Mama’s Dharma

Discipline is not my strong suit these days.
My sitting practice - more or less out the window.
Mindful eating/consumption? Not so much. My ass is slowly but surely expanding, a universe of its own, and I’ve moved to elastic waistbands for the time being.
Exercise? If you count carrying a kicking, screaming 42-pound preschooler out of Target, [...]

I’m tired so tired not a fan of this feeling that life is passing me by and my child grew an inch I swear while I was gone for four days in CA and sometimes I feel like when I am with him I am not really with him because my mind is always wandering [...]

Someone to tell me what to do.
There is not much narrative
Left in me right now. 
I’m tired.
This morning I get an email from the ex
Agreeing that we have gone nowhere with our nasty emails.
Our fights have always been legendary.
I really want to have Sami in my life
As much as I want to be in his,
He wrote.
I spoke [...]

Last night, at visit #4, my ex dropped a very large bomb.
Before that, he dropped a smaller bomb. 
He asked me to take down a picture of Sami on his photo website where there is a Star of David painted on his cheek. 
I explained to him gently that Sami himself asked for that Star of David on [...]

Last night was filled with nightmares.  In one, I was out to dinner with my ex and his new wife.  Everything was going relatively well until I went to the bathroom and came back finding them in mid-PDA.  I flipped out, and this involved me cursing, shaking my fist at her, and giving them the finger [...]

It’s been about a month that I have been doing the full-time work outside the home gig combined with the 24/7 single parenting gig.  I love my job and the financial security it brings, but I still feel completely unacclimated to this new way of life.  It feels like everything is speeding by at an [...]

I am still walking around on clouds.  It feels like I am living in a dream, now that Barack Obama has “sailed to victory” as the headlines proclaimed last night.
“All of this happened because of you,” wrote Obama in a mass-email that I read this morning.  And here I was, feeling so guilty because I couldn’t do more [...]

I swear, I swear, I am going to get to bed by 11 pm tonight. 
Today, I was an exhausted mess.  The manic high from BlogHer sent me into a sleepless, hyperaroused state.  I am an easily stimulated type and boy, was I buzzing.
I was so tired that my eyes burned all day long.  This morning, [...]