fear Category

Last night, at visit #4, my ex dropped a very large bomb.
Before that, he dropped a smaller bomb. 
He asked me to take down a picture of Sami on his photo website where there is a Star of David painted on his cheek. 
I explained to him gently that Sami himself asked for that Star of David on [...]

First of all, I must announce that I am offically full of shit. 
Despite recent meanderings  that hinted to the contrary, I am not going to stop trying to meet someone (never mind if wisdom indicates that it would probably be a good thing for me to intentionally be on my own for a while).  In fact, [...]

Last night was filled with nightmares.  In one, I was out to dinner with my ex and his new wife.  Everything was going relatively well until I went to the bathroom and came back finding them in mid-PDA.  I flipped out, and this involved me cursing, shaking my fist at her, and giving them the finger [...]

Daddy’s back.

In: Staying present, fear, humility

I was going to title this post, “the snake crawls out of the slime pit.” 
But I decided that was just too mean-spirited.
On Sami’s birthday, I get a three line email out of the blue from my ex saying that he would like to start seeing Sami again and asking to go back to the regular Friday [...]

It’s been about a month that I have been doing the full-time work outside the home gig combined with the 24/7 single parenting gig.  I love my job and the financial security it brings, but I still feel completely unacclimated to this new way of life.  It feels like everything is speeding by at an [...]

Tonight I sit here with so much longing. 
First, I long for my son to feel better.  I write this blog post next to a little feverish boy who has just fallen asleep in my arms.  His cries of discomfort cut through to my soul and I would do anything to soothe him right now. 
I have [...]

On Friday I had an acupuncture treatment that had me weeping.  I was shocked by the force of my tears.  Here I was, seated, with needles down my spine, my head resting on the treatment table, and the tears hit me at 80 miles an hour.  They came out in a burst and cleared as quickly as they [...]

I took a cool bath this evening and washed myself with Sami’s baby shampoo.  Have you ever taken a cool bath on a hot summer night?  It is a delicious experience, to rest in cool water as crickets chirp through the window.  Now I smell as fresh and clean as a newborn.
This day has been [...]

Home again.

In: Staying present, divorce, fear

“We’re going to Sami’s house!” Sami crowed from the backseat as we sped down 495 towards home. Never mind that it felt like Dante’s inferno as we stepped out of the airport, never mind that it must be 102 degrees in my bedroom, where the A/C doesn’t seem to reach, never mind that [...]

About this blog

Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.