illusion Category

Lately I have been reading through a journal I wrote when I turned 25 - ramblings and musings from a decade ago when I was so young I felt invincible. I felt overwhelmed by what seemed like life’s endless possibilities. I had starry-eyed dreams of accomplishing Something Big. I had a lot of very high [...]

Tomorrow will conclude a full seven days spent with my son. A week without work and school, without the typical interruptions that punctuate my time with him. Just the two of us, and our friends, the only family I have. And it has been a beautiful week, for the most part. Just about every day [...]

A little over a month ago, I declared 2010 (ok, perhaps a bit early) “The Year of Loving Myself Passionately (TYOLMP).” This is a serious decision for me: a holy vow to really, no-bullshit, truly, honestly shed some layers of self hatred and get down to the business of serious self esteem-building. I am literally [...]

Ah, the bitter irony of this life. I was to have a full five days to myself while Sami was at his father’s. And what happens? The Snowpocalypse of 2009. All my plans to be a whirling dervish of activity, dashed.
It ended up being all good. I just so happened to have a wonderful house [...]

It has been a very interesting few weeks.
Interesting is putting it mildly. It started when I got some completely unexpected and very upsetting health news - basically it was yet another cancer scare, and the good news is that it is benign and things are more or less back on track. But something has happened [...]

On August 2, I turned 34, and soon after, had a mini breakdown. It could have just been really bad PMS, but it felt like more than that.
I am perfecting the art of the mini-breakdown. It involves a few days of intense crying jags, not feeling real, barely being able to work, calling all my [...]

I hate the word “depression,” as I detest all clinical phrases. They serve to dehumanize and they also don’t get at what is really going on with people. A neat label does not begin to encapsulate the complexity of human existence, and I feel does it a disservice. But looking at the word depression in [...]

Why is it that I keep attracting men who “poof?”
I can’t bring myself to go into the details of what happened this weekend.  It is still too painful, too raw, too embarrassing.  I don’t know if I can even go there at all on this blog. I plan to do some private writing to begin [...]

A Cornbread Mix Miracle

In: illusion

Life is so weird.  
I have posted before about the morning madness around here. The good news is that it is getting so much better.  I think there are two factors that are helping: I am waking up earlier to get in some meditation time, and I am approaching getting Sami dressed as a game, [...]

Sick and tired…

In: attachment, dating, dreams, illusion, letting go

Literally, I am sick and tired…my throat burns, my eyes sting.  I should be in bed, watching the DVD of the Yacoubian Building that I ordered from Netflix.  But I’m here instead, reflecting on this odd, odd existence.
The world feels like it is crashing and burning all around and then I see that this state [...]

About this blog

Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.


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