This Mama’s Dharma

The day that I have dreaded for the last four years came and went.
Sami was in the bath, playing, splashing, the smell of berry-scented shampoo wafting through the air. I run a froggy washcloth over his squirmy little body.
“Do you have a mommy?”
Totally taken off guard. I spouted something about “my mommy being an angel [...]

He doesn’t remember him.  
When he walked in the door, there was no “Daddy!”  No running to him.  No recognition.  Just a shyness.
“Who’s this, Sami?” I asked.  ”Who’s this man?”
No answer.
Periodically throughout the night, my ex tried to get Sami to call him by his name.
“You used to call me ‘Daddy,’” I heard him say [...]

Ah this, my favorite season.  Season of hope and sadness.  Always, season of beginning and ending.  The Jewish New Year.  The Days of Awe. 
I think back to falls of the past few years.  Fall of 2005.  I was deep into my third trimester of pregnancy…excited and anxious and innocent as could be.  Safe and secure in the [...]