This Mama’s Dharma

It’s our third day in P-town and I am loving it here. The smell of the salty sea in the air, the fact that it’s a town full of gay pride, the cute and artsy shops, the way everything is so compact and you can get along so easily on foot. Just being [...]

I spent the last three days pumping morning and night to make a 5 oz bottle of breastmilk for my son. And last night, when Hani was about to give him the bottle, the lid came loose and most of the milk spilled on my screaming son, drenching his little pajamas.
“Why is [...]

So…things have been moving quickly on the babysitter front. How good it feels to take action towards my goals.
I met with the prospective babysitter today and I really had a good feeling about her. She is sweet and warm, smart and articulate, and she seemed really enthusiastic about watching Sami. [...]

I’ve started reading Mothering Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within by Kathryn Black. It’s a book about how those of us whose mothers passed away, or who in some way were not mothered, badly mothered, or under-mothered, somehow manage to be conscious parents in spite of it all.
I was [...]

Today I took Sami to a music class, and he was enthralled by the other kids and the singing and movement. He had a great time chewing on a set of bells and playing with sticks.
I was enjoying the class too, but when I left I felt this sort of visceral sadness, and then [...]

On Sunday, during a conversation with my friend Shira, I had an epiphany. I have to invest in myself. I need to hire a sitter to stay with Sami several hours a week so I can finish my book. It’s an absurd proposition, financially — to pay to write, with money we [...]

I often have dreams that Baby Sami is talking to me. Last night I had a semi-nightmare that Sami, in his baby form, opened an angry little mouth and said to me, his loving mother, “when I get older, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Whoa.

So…this afternoon I was in the kitchen eating lunch and Hani was watching Sami in the living room. He was crusing along this wooden buffet we have, Hani couldn’t catch him in time, and he fell onto this part of the buffet that sticks out a little.
He has a small cut on his eyelid (that [...]

Around August 10, Sami started to pull up on things. He hadn’t even mastered crawling yet — he was still crawling commando style. But he has the will to be vertical, my little one does. Now he pulls up on everything. And he crawls like a madman. It’s so cute. I’ll put him down in [...]

… the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego — your need to possess and control — and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude [...]