This Mama’s Dharma

A big snowstorm hit DC this past weekend and it’s still pure pristine white outside. Sami gained an ounce and all is right with the world. It’s amazing how often my mood correlates with his weight gain or lack thereof. I think about the second noble truth: all suffering comes from clinging… but how do [...]

This past weekend I was feeling so crazy — boy does motherhood bring up my inferiority complexes, and the baby is just two months old. I think about how hard I have been on myself and know it is a total waste of time. My child has survived for two months on my milk. No [...]

I’ve been having these bouts of weepiness, interspersed with trying to hold on to my sense of humor–which keeps wriggling away from me. I took a post-partum depression quiz and scored quite low on it. I think those quizzes are bullshit, and know I don’t have PPD. I don’t even like the term. I think [...]

Someday I hope they’ll say of me…”She was a breastfeeding WarriorGoddess, wielding a blood-stained Boppy as her shield. She nursed fearlessly, heroically, selflessly, gloriously — through nipples that felt like they were on fire, cracked, blistered, and bleeding; a right breast so swollen and red from repeated infections she dubbed the pair “Hedwig and the [...]

Sami has a cold. At least I think it’s a cold. His little nose is all stuffy, but he is able to breathe through it OK. And he’s sleeping a little more than usual, poor guy. But he’s also very smiley and happy. I took this smiley picture of him yesterday. It’s my favorite picture [...]

Yesterday we went to register Sami’s home birth with the Bureau of Vital Records. It’s weird to think that this whole past six weeks, he didn’t officially exist! His birth certificate is coming in the mail next week, and his Social Security card in the next 6-8 weeks. I could have changed his name to [...]

1. Mr. Bug2. Buggles3. Mr. Bugglesworth4. (Mr.)Bugglesby5. Sir Nurse-a-lot6. Baron Von MUNCHausen7. Bubbles8. Sam-O9. “Mister”10. Li’l Bug

OK, I know every mother thinks her baby is the cutest baby in the world, but mine really is.End of discussion.
Sami does THE cutest thing when he falls asleep nursing and pulls off my boob. He’ll keep working his little jaw like he’s nursing a phantom boob. He also makes these funny little babbling sounds [...]

I took Sami to see his pediatrician today and the lactation consultant on Monday. Both are very pleased with his weight gain and have proclaimed he’s doing “great.” Not just good — “great.” I’m trying to take that in. It might be making a dent in the Great Wall of Anxiety and Inadequacy that I’ve [...]

I just had the most disturbing dream. In the dream, I went to the zoo (and didn’t even see any animals) and left Sami in the car w/out realizing it. Eight hours later, I went back to the car and Sami was alive, but emaciated. He looked like a little concentration [...]