This Mama’s Dharma

Why do I still care? I ask myself, and then ask, How can I not care?
It’s the first time I’ve seen H in a week. When he entered the house today to watch Sami, and as I left for my meditation class, my heart did the flip-flop it still does. Along with [...]

“Scared!” Sami said today, for the first time in his life.
I think it was said in response to all this spooky Halloween stuff. I think specifically, he spoke it in response to a tacky ceramic pumpkin at Value Village. And later, he said it again in response to a Spider Man action figure [...]

Sami has discovered a new phrase: “I WANT MORE!” — usually as it relates to food.
I think about all the ways in which I want more. I had an interesting experience the other day when I decided I was going to allow myself to eat as much chocolate as I desired, after nearly three [...]

After weeks and days of low-level anxiety, my first extended visit away from Sami ended yesterday. Back home again, everything is back to normal and everything is different. My new housemate moved in last week as I was leaving, and now it feels so strange to have a new person living in the [...]

Thank you to those who have asked about me, as I’ve been a bit scarce over the last week or so. It means so much that you all miss me when I disappear for a bit, and that you let me know.
I’ve actually been gearing up to go to Alternatives, a big [...]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately of the “groundlessness” that Pema Chodron talks about. I’ve read several of her books, and I must admit that I never liked when she talked about that. It scared me. I prefer to talk about hope and faith. I do have a great deal of [...]

This evening I was preparing dinner while worrying quite intensely about the finances. Sami was playing in the next room, and all of a sudden he came into the kitchen and grabbed my hand.
“Buddha!” he exclaimed. “Buddha!”
“Buddha? Where? Show me!”
He pulled me into the living room, where there is [...]

Tonight I got home and found my husband in a futile effort to put Sami to bed. (He watches him on Tues. evenings over at our house and I go out for a few hours.) No sooner did I close the front door then I heard Sami calling out “mama, mama!” He [...]

These past several days I have been so tired that I can barely think, barely write. I guess I am still recovering from my workaholic summer and slipping into a new rhythm, a new way of being. I feel like I am dangling between two worlds: the world of work and daycare and [...]

There is a deliciousness in living life at Sami’s pace. I feel like the record in my head, which was cranked up to maximum RPM all summer, has slowed down and the music in there is far more bearable. I am present enough to let a great deal of joy in. There [...]