My grandmother is dying. This is the woman who raised me from the age of five years old. For years, I criticized her. I blamed her for a lot of things that I felt were wrong with my life.
It’s strange. In the face of her dying, all of that has dropped away. All I feel [...]
I was supposed to fly out yesterday for a work conference in LA. The day before I left, I got a call: my 88 year-old grandmother had collapsed and was in the hospital in San Diego. Immediately, I shared this information with my boss and she said to me, “go and take care of your [...]
“I’m sad,” S said plaintively as we drove home from an errand tonight.
“Why are you sad, honey?”
“One is not enough.”
As I asked questions to get more out of him, it became clear that he meant that *I* am not enough. I’m not being paranoid here. He literally rattled off the names of all the people [...]
I have this recurring dream. It’s variations on a theme - the theme of my ex and I getting back together.
In the dream, it’s just the two of us, and he is looking at me in that way, with great love in his eyes. We have sex.
“I missed you,” I say, crying.
“I missed you too,” [...]
S comes home from school the other day with a card, on which he proudly proclaims that he has drawn “Grandma and Grandpa.” Then I open his backpack and see the dreaded newsletter: “Grandparents’ Day! We are encouraging students to invite their Grandparents (or Grandparent-like person) to school with them…”
My son doesn’t have grandparents, or [...]
Thanks to Ms. Single Mama for inspiring this video!!
Not partying, not smoking, not drinking, not dating, not indulging in my addictions, I am feeling raw emotions bubbling up to the surface with ferocity. Mostly guilt, sadness, shame, confusion…grief. Boatloads of grief. Trying to love myself through it all - my so human, so flawed self.
I have made so many mistakes in my life, [...]
It has been a very interesting few weeks.
Interesting is putting it mildly. It started when I got some completely unexpected and very upsetting health news - basically it was yet another cancer scare, and the good news is that it is benign and things are more or less back on track. But something has happened [...]
I hate the word “depression,” as I detest all clinical phrases. They serve to dehumanize and they also don’t get at what is really going on with people. A neat label does not begin to encapsulate the complexity of human existence, and I feel does it a disservice. But looking at the word depression in [...]
I’m tired so tired not a fan of this feeling that life is passing me by and my child grew an inch I swear while I was gone for four days in CA and sometimes I feel like when I am with him I am not really with him because my mind is always wandering [...]
Welcome to this blog - my chronicle of the illuminating, character-building path of single parenthood. I'm making this up as I go along. My life is my practice, and my five year-old son is my greatest teacher.